0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:02:13,028 --> 00:02:17,092 Our jetcopter has arrived, Raquel. I'll summon the maid. 2 00:02:17,769 --> 00:02:22,901 I'll say bye-bye to Damien first, darling. How long's he going to be in there? 3 00:02:24,462 --> 00:02:27,740 You can't rush him, sweetheart, he's putting a very important deal. 4 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,361 He's talking to President Reeves in Washington. 5 00:02:30,998 --> 00:02:33,920 President Reeves! Really? 6 00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:44,729 There you are Rodney, where you been? Damien phoned for you an hour ago. 7 00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:48,609 I know, but the state transportation workers have gone on strike. 8 00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:52,257 On strike? I thought Damien had made strikes illegal. 9 00:02:52,432 --> 00:02:59,102 Yes, the police were shooting them as I left. Damien said he wanted to see me urgently. 10 00:03:00,851 --> 00:03:02,262 I'll take you through. 11 00:03:04,155 --> 00:03:08,058 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before. 12 00:03:08,246 --> 00:03:10,019 Bonnet Dedut. 13 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:15,027 All I'm saying Mr.President ... 14 00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:18,734 Oh, shut up you tart! 15 00:03:19,285 --> 00:03:22,668 Listen to me, Keanu. You just sit there in the White House all day � 16 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,144 �twiddling your thumbs and just playing at leadership! 17 00:03:25,179 --> 00:03:27,164 People are beginning to see through you. 18 00:03:27,804 --> 00:03:31,705 What's wrong with going to war with China? War is good! 19 00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:35,220 What a boy, eh? Good boy! 20 00:03:35,408 --> 00:03:37,833 Well, of course, millions will be killed. 21 00:03:38,004 --> 00:03:41,814 A war without death is like a salad without water-cress! 22 00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:43,860 You worry too much... 23 00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:47,624 I've got a busy night so make the declaration tomorrow. 24 00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:52,905 What's going on here? I ordered a messanger over an hour ago! 25 00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:56,852 He's here, Damie! Damie, he's here. Look, there. 26 00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:00,397 Uncle Rodney. 27 00:04:08,336 --> 00:04:12,717 I want you in Beijing for the war � you report back to me. 28 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:18,923 - War! I don't wanna go to war! - War is good. 29 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:24,457 - I don't wanna go to war! - What would your Uncle Albert say? 30 00:04:24,913 --> 00:04:29,369 - I don't know! - We'll ask him then, won't we? 31 00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:37,209 During the war... During the war. During the war... 32 00:04:47,071 --> 00:04:52,530 - You rang, your Lordship? - Cassandra! What are you doing here? 33 00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:58,474 Damien took over my bank and fired me. Now I'm the maid. 34 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:05,597 - It's a job, Rodney. - No, this isn't fair! 35 00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:10,985 - Rodney! - It's not right, you shouldn't be doing this! 36 00:05:12,142 --> 00:05:15,484 Everything was nice and now you've messed it all up! 37 00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:19,531 I wanna go back to how it used to be! 38 00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:32,380 Rodney, wake up you dipstick! 39 00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:36,333 Oh God, it was a dream. 40 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:40,124 Have you been smoking that Rastafarian Old Holborn again? 41 00:05:41,682 --> 00:05:47,007 No, no, I just drifted off there for a while. Oh man, I had the wildest dream! 42 00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:52,358 What was it all about? Was it about sunshine and little birdies going tweet tweet tweet? 43 00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:55,927 Alright, sorry! So what's happening? 44 00:05:56,102 --> 00:05:59,381 What's happening? I'll tell you what's happening. 45 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:07,268 We have bought 150 Latvian radio alarm clocks that go off whenever they bloody well like. 46 00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,974 We also got 200 aerodynamic cycling helmets 47 00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:16,276 that turn out to be horse-riders' crash hats that some git has sprayed red. 48 00:06:16,574 --> 00:06:21,089 We've got a box of baseball caps that even E17 fans wouldn't wear. 49 00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:25,816 And also my home-improvement grant has been rejected. 50 00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:28,390 Apart from that, everything is fine! 51 00:06:28,611 --> 00:06:31,115 Thank God! Everything normal. 52 00:06:31,284 --> 00:06:33,683 Raquel, darling, there's a letter out here for you. 53 00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:36,703 What's the matter with you anyway, falling asleep at quarter to eight in the morning? 54 00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,775 Don't you get enough sleep at home or what? 55 00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:40,551 You know my situation! 56 00:06:40,707 --> 00:06:43,173 It's Cassandra and this baby thing, innit? 57 00:06:43,343 --> 00:06:46,065 The hospital's worked out another schedule for us. 58 00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:49,063 I'm at it like a rattlesnake! It's horrible. 59 00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:51,450 I always thought that was your ambition! 60 00:06:51,589 --> 00:06:56,187 Well, some people dream of singing La Traviata at the Royal Opera House, don't they? 61 00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:59,477 It don't mean they wanna sing it three bloody times a night. 62 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,078 No, enought to make your throat sore, wouldn't it? 63 00:07:08,201 --> 00:07:10,823 They've put her on a special diet and all that. 64 00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:16,165 The gynecologist, he reckons it's only a matter of time 65 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:20,436 but Cass keeps getting all broody... I've got her a rabbit. 66 00:07:22,029 --> 00:07:24,328 A rabbit, what's that? Part of her diet, is it? 67 00:07:24,806 --> 00:07:28,108 No, a pet rabbit! Something she can make a fuss over. 68 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,833 I know it was a stupid idea. I wish I hadn't bothered now... 69 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:33,389 So the hospital has passed all the tests and that, have they? 70 00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:37,899 This is personal. I don't want this being broadcast! 71 00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:42,611 Of course not. Who's gonna listen? I suppose you've had your tubes looked at? 72 00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:47,524 Yes! God! Everything's fine we just can't crack the case... 73 00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:52,165 Every day I'm taking specimens down to the clinic and God knows what else. 74 00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:57,007 'Cause t's all got to do with ovum�s and... things. 75 00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:01,800 The hospital keeps showing me this film of inside the human body. 76 00:08:02,512 --> 00:08:05,029 Cor, it don't half put you off, Del. 77 00:08:05,803 --> 00:08:10,473 Yeah, I should think so. Give me Debbie Does Dallas any day of the week. 78 00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:14,033 Anyway, listen, we'll have a spot of breakfast and then get down the market. 79 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,457 - What do you fancy. Boiled egg? - No! 80 00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:26,351 Can I ask a favour? Can I have this afternoon off? 81 00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:29,965 Why? She hasn't booked you in for another seeing to, has she? 82 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:35,436 No! We're having a celebrating lunch. 'Cause it's my birthday. 83 00:08:35,638 --> 00:08:44,205 It's your birthday? Oh, ala Bruchette! It's your birthday, I forgot all about it, didn't I? 84 00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:49,518 Well, since it's your birthday in that case Rodney, the answer is no. 85 00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:52,899 You wouldn't expect Richard Branson to want the afternoon off? 86 00:08:53,687 --> 00:08:56,213 Doubt it, he don't even know it's my birthday. 87 00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:01,304 Not your birthday, I mean, if it was his birthday! 88 00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:05,497 No, because he would be too busy down the old financial fast lane. 89 00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:09,073 He wouldn't be going that jollying it up just 'cos it's his birthday. 90 00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,633 Alright then. 91 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,478 Of course you can have the afternoon off. It's your birthday! 92 00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:20,090 I bet you thought I forgot! 93 00:09:20,404 --> 00:09:23,246 There you go, there's your cards, birthday boy. 94 00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:27,557 That one's from Damien. 95 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,882 Oh... Bless him. 96 00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:35,736 No, don't worry about those for a minute. Take a look at that. 97 00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:40,154 That is a present from me... and Raquel of course. 98 00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:50,086 - It's a chunky, gold identity bracelet. - Yeah, I can see that. 99 00:09:51,075 --> 00:09:56,424 It's just like mine Rodney, look at that, 24 carat gold, no old rubbish. 100 00:09:56,459 --> 00:09:59,115 See, it's got your name on it, look. 101 00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:06,138 - 'Rooney'? - No, that says, look, 'Rodney'. 102 00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:10,388 No, it says 'Rooney'. There's an 'O' where the 'D' should be. 103 00:10:10,756 --> 00:10:14,950 No, that is a D. It's like copperplate writing. 104 00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:18,470 - Come on, put it on, put it on. - Ah, right. 105 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:26,313 - I don't want you getting all over-emotional on me. - No, alright then. 106 00:10:29,912 --> 00:10:31,802 - Morning, Rodney. - Hi, Raquel. 107 00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:37,940 - What's that? - It's a chunky gold identity bracelet. 108 00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:43,606 - 'Rooney'? - No, that's 'Rodney'. 109 00:10:43,641 --> 00:10:49,461 - Looks like 'Rooney.' That's an 'O' isn't it? - No it's a 'D'. It's copperplate writing. 110 00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:52,941 Well, it looks like 'Rooney' from where I'm standing. Where d'you get it from? 111 00:10:52,976 --> 00:10:55,766 It's your birthday present to me. 112 00:10:56,538 --> 00:11:00,148 Oh! It's your birthday! Sorry. Happy birthday, Rodney. 113 00:11:00,239 --> 00:11:01,149 Thanks. 114 00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:05,052 Del chose the present. I didn't even know what he'd got you. Where is he? 115 00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:07,750 In the kitchen. He's a bit disappointed actually, 116 00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:11,419 the council have just turned down his application for a home improvement grant. 117 00:11:11,454 --> 00:11:13,501 I suppose they didn't have half a million pounds handy. 118 00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:16,042 What did he want to do then? 119 00:11:16,077 --> 00:11:19,984 Who knows! Put an extension on the balcony and build a double garage, knowing him. 120 00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:22,477 No, au contraire. 121 00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:26,274 I just wanted 5,000 pounds so I can improve the kitchen units, that's all. 122 00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:28,316 Well that sounds fair enough. 123 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:33,449 Oh get real, Rodney. There was no way he was gonna put new units in. He just wanted the 5 grand. 124 00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:37,699 No, 'cause the council would have checked to see if you had the work carried out. 125 00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:42,865 Cor blimey, all you gotta do is to give 'em an '18 months sob story' and they forget all about it. 126 00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:46,033 'Cause they're too busy organising carnivals and things. 127 00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,468 Anyway, they've turned me down, I don't want to discuss it, 128 00:11:49,503 --> 00:11:52,033 'cause now it's epidemic, innit? 129 00:11:53,856 --> 00:11:57,256 Who's the letter from, sweetheart? - I don't know yet. 130 00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:02,948 Look at this! Gits! 131 00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:10,373 - Morning, Damien. - I got a new hat. Dad got it for me. 132 00:12:10,408 --> 00:12:12,682 Yeah, I know, and it's a cracker and all, ain't it son, eh? 133 00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:15,168 My Dad gets me everything... 134 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,534 D'you wanna play war? 135 00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:22,105 No! Bit busy. 136 00:12:22,294 --> 00:12:26,970 - Come on Rodney, you've got time for a little battle. - No. I'm alright, honest. 137 00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:30,885 Alright, you stay there, champ. I'll get you your cereal. 138 00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:35,108 When I'm older will people still wear baseball caps? 139 00:12:35,328 --> 00:12:38,830 When you're older, Damien, people will wear whatever you tell them to wear. 140 00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:40,343 Oh cool! 141 00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,013 Little git! 142 00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:51,211 I fought for this country, shot and shell, and how do they treat ya? 143 00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:54,683 That ain't it bloody fair, eh? 144 00:12:56,622 --> 00:13:00,729 Oh God, Albert! Your socks look like the bomb-squads been having a go at 'em! 145 00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:04,033 All I need now is that hospital to get you and Cassandra pregnant, 146 00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:07,062 and I'd have two of the little sods bouncing things off me head. 147 00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:09,864 Oi! What do you know about me and Cassandra and the hospital? 148 00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,112 Nothing, son, nothing at all... 149 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,843 What's an ovum? 150 00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:21,251 I don't believe you... Were you listening to me and Del's conversation? 151 00:13:21,286 --> 00:13:27,465 I wasn't listening, I just heard. Don't worry, you know me, son, I'm saying nothing. 152 00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,611 Squad, attention! 153 00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:37,636 Morning, Albert. Listen, you be careful when you collect your pension down at the post office today. 154 00:13:37,671 --> 00:13:40,305 There's a gang of muggers hanging about this area. 155 00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:44,111 They don't worry me, son. I boxed for the navy. 156 00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,486 They use to calle my left hand 'Trotter's Trembler'. 157 00:13:48,948 --> 00:13:51,553 I wonder what they called your right hand. 158 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,826 Rodney, come on, quick. Let's go. 159 00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:59,849 - What's the hurry? - Come on, just let's go, Rodney. 160 00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:03,348 - Would you want me to load the van up? - No, we haven't got time for that. 161 00:14:03,506 --> 00:14:07,915 I've got to get the Capri Ghia into tuning up and I gotta meet a bloke down the market. 162 00:14:08,109 --> 00:14:11,069 And you get youw coat on and get out of here. Go on! 163 00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:12,947 See you later, sweetheart! Bye Unc! 164 00:14:15,657 --> 00:14:18,768 - What's he in such a hurry for. - I don't know. 165 00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,120 Oh no, not again! 166 00:14:31,628 --> 00:14:35,263 Did I tell you what Councillor Murray said to me when she gave me this medal? 167 00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:41,133 Yes! Trigger, you are boring the pants off me with this bloody medal! 168 00:14:41,349 --> 00:14:49,444 No. She said, 'I thank you on behalf of the council and the people of Peckham!' 169 00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:57,607 - Morning, Sid. What d'you fancy, Rodders? - I'll have a cheese roll. 170 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,177 I still find it hard to believe! 171 00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:04,683 So do I! Medals for road sweepers! 172 00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:09,341 Good God, they'll be giving Del Boy an award for good taste next! 173 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:13,072 - Morning all. - Thank God you've arrived! 174 00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:15,906 He can bore you two with it now! 175 00:15:16,072 --> 00:15:19,344 - What's that then? - Trigger's got a medal. 176 00:15:20,651 --> 00:15:25,427 - Oh yeah. Where'd you find that then, Trig? - I was awarded it. Look. 177 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:30,019 It's a picture of me receiving my medal from Councillor Murray. 178 00:15:30,193 --> 00:15:32,001 See, that's me. 179 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:38,098 Oh that's you, is it? I'm glad you cleared that up. 180 00:15:38,511 --> 00:15:41,105 Let me have a look at that, Trig, will you? 181 00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:46,616 So that's that Councillor Murray, is it? 182 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:51,073 She's the old cow that refused my application for a council grant. 183 00:15:51,548 --> 00:15:53,899 I've never been so humiliated in my life. 184 00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:57,483 Derek, when you have the time you must tell me all about it. 185 00:15:58,202 --> 00:16:03,306 Hey, has any of your friends down at the masonic lodge have got influence at the town hall? 186 00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:09,550 No. it's just that I've often wondered what it must be like to apply for a council grant. 187 00:16:11,773 --> 00:16:13,860 And the day started out so well, didn't it? 188 00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:18,944 It's Councillor Murray's idea. She's head of Finance and Facilities at the Town Hall 189 00:16:19,139 --> 00:16:23,523 and she says the local people should be rewarded for services to the community. 190 00:16:24,397 --> 00:16:26,588 A proud moment in my family's history. 191 00:16:26,878 --> 00:16:29,913 Trigger, you haven't got a family history. 192 00:16:30,182 --> 00:16:32,914 You were created by a chemical spillage 193 00:16:32,949 --> 00:16:36,655 �at a germ warfare factory somewhere off Deptford High Street. 194 00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:39,451 Maybe. But I still feel proud. 195 00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:45,209 So what exactly is the award for? 196 00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:48,821 For saving the council money. I happened to mention to her one day 197 00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:52,244 that I've had the same broom for the last twenty years. 198 00:16:52,585 --> 00:16:58,641 She was very impressed and said have a medal. 20 years. That's a long time, Dave. 199 00:16:58,676 --> 00:17:04,721 - Yeah, I know. It's two decades innit? - I wouldn't go that far, but it's a long time. 200 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,858 Trig, just a second. 201 00:17:09,870 --> 00:17:15,557 If you've had that broom for 20 years have you actually swpt any roads with it? 202 00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:18,605 Well of course! But I look after it well. 203 00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:22,759 We have an old saying that's been handed down by generations of road sweepers: 204 00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:27,309 - 'Look after your broom...' - And your broom will look after you. 205 00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:31,383 No Dave. It's just: 'Look after your broom'. 206 00:17:34,913 --> 00:17:36,304 Oh, that old saying! 207 00:17:36,339 --> 00:17:40,559 Yeah. And that's what I've done. I've maintained it for 20 years. 208 00:17:41,848 --> 00:17:49,266 This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time. 209 00:17:54,597 --> 00:17:57,857 How the hell can it be the same bloody broom then? 210 00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:01,232 There's a picture of it! What more proof do you need? 211 00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:05,919 This has come as a bit of a shock to me. 212 00:18:06,917 --> 00:18:09,012 I haven't heard from you for years. 213 00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:13,091 Last time we met I got the impression that I wasn't important in your life any more. 214 00:18:14,506 --> 00:18:19,009 Yeah, I understand. OK, let's meet... 215 00:18:19,296 --> 00:18:25,149 No! I�ll come to you... This weekend? I'm not sure... 216 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:30,462 Del? I don't know really. I suppose I'll have to tell him the truth. 217 00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:37,427 I'll give you a call... OK... I know you do... 218 00:18:38,972 --> 00:18:41,169 Of course I still love you. 219 00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:44,625 Bye. 220 00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:58,075 - Alright, sweetheart? - Yeah. What you been up to? 221 00:18:58,648 --> 00:19:05,504 I've down the market. I met a bloke. Done a deal about some electric doughnut makers. 222 00:19:05,539 --> 00:19:08,207 While I was down there I bumped into Boycie. 223 00:19:08,242 --> 00:19:13,009 He told me that Mike down the Nag's Head is selling tickets for a party on Saturday night. 224 00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:18,659 - You know. Would you like to go? - This weekend? No, not really. 225 00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:24,391 - OK... Any phone calls? - No... 226 00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:30,509 - Del, can we talk? - Of course we can. 227 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:34,751 There's something I've got to tell you. I'd like to sit down. 228 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:40,432 - Go on then. - I mean both of us. 229 00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:57,014 That letter I got this morning. It was from my Mum and Dad. 230 00:19:57,185 --> 00:19:59,191 I've just got off the phone to them. 231 00:19:59,518 --> 00:20:04,404 - Ah, was from your mum and... - You OK? 232 00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:10,917 Of course I am, I'm teriffic. Oh dear. 233 00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,905 I didn't know you had a Mum and Dad. 234 00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:18,523 What I meant was that you've never mentioned them before. 235 00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:22,490 Years ago we had a big bust up when I told them I wanted to go into show business. 236 00:20:22,808 --> 00:20:26,479 I said I wanted to be a dancer and act and everything. 237 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:31,901 My Dad, he's a bit old fashioned, he said some nasty things - you can imagine. 238 00:20:32,592 --> 00:20:38,532 So I stormed out, went into digs and that was the last contact I had with them - until now. 239 00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:41,151 They got my address from the landlord at my old flat. 240 00:20:41,186 --> 00:20:44,460 They've been phoning for the last couple of weeks but just kept getting the answer-machine. 241 00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:49,785 Yeah, I know darling, but a lot of people get nervous about leaving messages on answer-machines, don't they? 242 00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:53,502 No, they left lots of messages but the rotten machine wouldn't record them. 243 00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:56,209 Oh dear! 244 00:20:56,748 --> 00:20:58,790 I don't know what's wrong with this machine. 245 00:20:59,232 --> 00:21:04,071 I reckon that some of the electronic circuitry needs adjusting, that's all. 246 00:21:04,644 --> 00:21:06,300 You know, like that! 247 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:13,843 So I phoned 'em. We had a nice chat... They seemed different - sort of, understanding. 248 00:21:15,419 --> 00:21:17,068 I cried. 249 00:21:20,296 --> 00:21:23,401 That's alright. Come on, sweetheart! 250 00:21:23,892 --> 00:21:28,599 My Mum said they'd missed me. And my dad said he loved me! 251 00:21:28,828 --> 00:21:33,250 Oh well, come on. That is lovely jubbly, innit? 252 00:21:34,072 --> 00:21:37,423 - I told them about Damien. - Yeah. 253 00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:42,009 They were pleased. They seemed really excited they had a grandson. 254 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:45,055 I told them all about him. All the little things he does. 255 00:21:48,018 --> 00:21:55,596 - D'you tell 'em about me? - I mentioned you. 256 00:21:57,167 --> 00:22:02,955 - D'you tell them what I did? - No. There wasn't time. 257 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:08,380 - They just wanted to know about Damie. - Of course they would. That's alright. 258 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:12,208 They mentioned going up there at the weekend� they want to meet him. 259 00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:15,823 That'll be nice. Well, we'll pop up there then shall we? 260 00:22:16,583 --> 00:22:20,025 Yeah... The thing is� 261 00:22:20,293 --> 00:22:26,721 Well, see, my Dad's a bit of an old fuddy-duddy and he hasn't been well recently... 262 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:28,695 This bloody thing! 263 00:22:28,859 --> 00:22:34,119 And I think meeting you might be a bit too much for him. 264 00:22:34,154 --> 00:22:35,928 So, I don't want to offend you... 265 00:22:36,615 --> 00:22:41,255 That's the last time I buy anything off that Ronnie Nelson! 266 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,214 Right ten, the weekend! 267 00:22:44,469 --> 00:22:47,842 Oh, Mont Blanc! 268 00:22:48,019 --> 00:22:50,935 Darling, no, I can't go on Saturday! 269 00:22:51,087 --> 00:22:54,329 'Cause I've gotta to go up to Covent Garden and pick up a van load of ober-jeans. 270 00:22:57,867 --> 00:23:03,094 And they were really looking forward to meeting you as well. Never mind. 271 00:23:04,215 --> 00:23:07,804 Alright sweetheart, tell you what. Why don't you and Damien go and have a nice time. 272 00:23:08,212 --> 00:23:14,182 Hey, why don't you take the Capri Ghia, and let 'em see that their little girl has done alright for herself. 273 00:23:14,356 --> 00:23:16,378 OK. Thanks, Del. 274 00:23:17,060 --> 00:23:18,603 I do love you. 275 00:23:19,735 --> 00:23:24,621 Yeah, I know, well... I'm that sort of bloke really, ain't I? 276 00:23:24,989 --> 00:23:27,280 Anyway. What does your dad do? 277 00:23:27,421 --> 00:23:30,492 - He's an antique dealer. - Is he really? 278 00:23:30,636 --> 00:23:33,038 That's interesting, you see, because in the garage... 279 00:23:33,073 --> 00:23:35,723 I'm not taking anything with me! 280 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:43,127 Alright then, that's fair enough, just a thought. Now go on, you go darling, build a few bridges. 281 00:23:43,487 --> 00:23:47,611 - I'll try. I'll make you a coffee. - Yeah, that'll be lovely. 282 00:23:59,025 --> 00:24:02,079 - Mum was crying. - What's that, champ? 283 00:24:02,114 --> 00:24:06,011 - Mum was crying. - Was she? Oh, dear, nevermind. 284 00:24:06,046 --> 00:24:11,805 Come and sit here. Women do that, you know. You'll learn that when you get a bit older. 285 00:24:11,962 --> 00:24:17,052 Anyway. You know where you're going on Saturday? Your're gonna go and see your Nan and your Grandad. 286 00:24:17,087 --> 00:24:19,426 - Have I got a Nan and Grandad? - Yes, you have now. 287 00:24:19,461 --> 00:24:24,502 - Did you get 'em for me? - No, they belong to your Mum. 288 00:24:25,615 --> 00:24:27,880 They're gonna make a right fuss of you, they are. 289 00:24:27,915 --> 00:24:32,029 - They'll love you, 'cause they're lovely people. - What are they called? 290 00:24:32,251 --> 00:24:35,504 What are they called? I know, they're called... 291 00:24:38,068 --> 00:24:40,355 Nan and Grandad. 292 00:24:41,985 --> 00:24:45,583 - Did you feed Roger? - Yeah, I chucked a carrot in earlier. 293 00:24:45,618 --> 00:24:47,192 Good. 294 00:24:50,718 --> 00:24:53,430 - Don't worry. - I'm not. 295 00:24:53,768 --> 00:24:57,150 - It's only once tonight. - Right. 296 00:24:58,174 --> 00:24:59,774 At least I think it is. 297 00:25:07,174 --> 00:25:11,433 - Just the once. - Look at Tuesday. 298 00:25:13,747 --> 00:25:16,745 - Happy birthday again. - Thank you. 299 00:25:19,375 --> 00:25:23,522 - Oh leave off, Cass. - Sorry, Rooney. 300 00:25:24,103 --> 00:25:26,896 Del's gotta be the only bloke who can buy a gold identity bracelet 301 00:25:26,931 --> 00:25:29,710 and take it to a dyslexic engraver. 302 00:25:31,186 --> 00:25:34,828 - You got lots of nice presents as well. - Yes, I did. 303 00:25:35,537 --> 00:25:39,616 And I spoke to Mummy today and she said, as a special birthday present to you, 304 00:25:39,651 --> 00:25:41,774 why don't we fly over to the villa next week? 305 00:25:41,809 --> 00:25:45,460 I'm owed some time off and Del hasn't given you a holiday since... 306 00:25:45,631 --> 00:25:49,984 well, he hasn't given you a holiday! I thought it might help. 307 00:25:50,316 --> 00:25:55,329 - Sangria and warm evenings... - Yeah, sounds good, don't it? 308 00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:57,731 Hold on. What about the rabbit? 309 00:25:57,766 --> 00:26:01,224 - Couldn't we give it to Del? - No, he'd eat it! 310 00:26:01,741 --> 00:26:05,597 Aren't there any sort of kennels? You know a place that looks after rabbits. 311 00:26:05,753 --> 00:26:11,762 - Like a cattery but, well a rabbitry. - A rabbitry? That's a Chinese toilet! 312 00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:17,313 - Hang on, can your Mum and Dad could look after it? - Hardly, they'll be at the villa with us. 313 00:26:17,348 --> 00:26:19,065 They'll be there as well? 314 00:26:19,231 --> 00:26:24,647 Where are we supposed to relax and stick to the schedule with your Mum and Dad there? 315 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,717 I've figured it out, Rodney. We won't do it in front of them! 316 00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:37,351 When we want to, you know, relax, we'll go to our bedroom! What d'you think? 317 00:26:38,069 --> 00:26:40,377 But they'll be in the room next to us! 318 00:26:40,785 --> 00:26:46,166 I mean, what about all the panting and the screaming and all the 'Yes, yes, yes!' 319 00:26:46,201 --> 00:26:51,726 - You'll just have to control yourself. - No, it'll never work. 320 00:26:52,134 --> 00:26:55,207 Besides I can't leave Del, business ain't going too well. 321 00:26:55,232 --> 00:27:00,245 - Oh, come on Rodney. - I can't Cass, Del needs me here. 322 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,330 - You go. - You don't mind? 323 00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:08,230 But of course I don't. A rest'll do you good. 324 00:27:09,902 --> 00:27:12,789 It means we'll have to put our schedule on ice for a week. 325 00:27:12,942 --> 00:27:15,009 Well, I'm afraid so. 326 00:27:22,022 --> 00:27:24,615 You both got tickets for Saturday's party? 327 00:27:27,038 --> 00:27:29,177 I can tell you're looking forward to it! 328 00:27:30,935 --> 00:27:34,224 Hey, Boycie! You and Marlene fancy something nice to eat? 329 00:27:34,489 --> 00:27:36,525 Yeah, I do as it happens, Mike. 330 00:27:36,685 --> 00:27:39,696 Shall we pop down The Harvester in a minute? 331 00:27:44,552 --> 00:27:48,964 I don't get much trade but I do have a good laugh! Bloody 'ell. 332 00:27:49,174 --> 00:27:53,649 - Here, Trig! Do you fancy a ticket? Tenner each. - Righto, Mike. 333 00:27:54,773 --> 00:27:57,812 What d'you mean, 'Righto, Mike?' You don't even know what they're for. 334 00:27:58,864 --> 00:28:01,555 It's bound to tell you on the ticket, innit? 335 00:28:04,716 --> 00:28:06,056 I didn't think of that. 336 00:28:06,217 --> 00:28:12,150 D'you know Trig? Every year us publicans we hold a fancy dress ball. Prizes, the lot. 337 00:28:12,185 --> 00:28:16,443 This year it's old Harry Malcolm's turn. He's the guv'nor down at the Crown and Anchor. 338 00:28:16,478 --> 00:28:20,655 He's holding the party at his house. He's got a great barn of place over on the Common. 339 00:28:20,806 --> 00:28:25,952 Hey, the first prize is a brand new stereo system worth over a thousand pound. 340 00:28:25,987 --> 00:28:29,497 Fancy dress! I've only got my mohair suit and my best jumper. 341 00:28:29,532 --> 00:28:31,186 Perfect! 342 00:28:31,791 --> 00:28:33,415 Did I tell you about my medal? 343 00:28:33,591 --> 00:28:37,507 Yeay. Three times yesterday and twice this morning. 344 00:28:37,670 --> 00:28:42,174 - Did I tell you, Marlene? - Yes, love. You sent us a fax last night. 345 00:28:47,654 --> 00:28:49,003 Alright, Mike? 346 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:50,638 Wotchyer, sweetheart. 347 00:28:52,236 --> 00:28:56,300 Stop it! Honestly. Cassandra get off alright then, did she? 348 00:28:56,335 --> 00:29:01,225 - Yeah, I've just come back from the airport. - And Raquel's away too, ain't she? 349 00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:04,157 I bet you two'll be out gallivanting Saturday night. 350 00:29:04,192 --> 00:29:05,419 No, not at all sweetheart. 351 00:29:05,576 --> 00:29:09,082 A mug of Bournvita, plate of toast and Match Of The Day for us Rodders, isn't it, eh? 352 00:29:09,117 --> 00:29:10,311 Heaven! 353 00:29:10,346 --> 00:29:12,098 That's nice... 354 00:29:13,367 --> 00:29:18,428 - 'Rooney?' - No, that is 'Rodney'. 355 00:29:18,688 --> 00:29:24,698 You see, it's not an O - it looks like an O but it's not! 'Cause it's copperplate writing. 356 00:29:26,936 --> 00:29:28,117 It's quiet today, innit? 357 00:29:28,264 --> 00:29:32,056 Yeah, got more life in one of his meat pies over there. 358 00:29:32,285 --> 00:29:37,077 Come on Michael, give us a drink, will ya? Lager-top for Rodney and I'll have... 359 00:29:37,566 --> 00:29:40,242 A Baileys and cherryaide. 360 00:29:41,829 --> 00:29:46,001 Del, d'you fancy something to eat? How about a nice plate of beef stew? 361 00:29:46,156 --> 00:29:48,709 Go on, I'll have some of that then, that'll keep the cold out, won't it? 362 00:29:48,744 --> 00:29:51,064 You be careful with the old beef, Del. 363 00:29:51,126 --> 00:29:54,036 - Oh shut up, you brass. - I don't know what you are worried about. 364 00:29:54,071 --> 00:29:57,389 I've been eating British beef all my life. 365 00:30:05,208 --> 00:30:07,408 Egg and chips, please, Mike. 366 00:30:08,022 --> 00:30:11,048 - What do you want, Rodney? - Something that was fresh this morning. 367 00:30:11,083 --> 00:30:13,429 Alright, give him the Daily Mirror, will you? 368 00:30:16,629 --> 00:30:21,966 - Alright, Del Boy? Any luck? - Yeas, loads of it, Denzil, all bad! 369 00:30:22,309 --> 00:30:26,268 I bumped into Paddy the Greek. You remember those 9 carat... 370 00:30:26,303 --> 00:30:29,473 ...24 carat gold bracelets I was selling? 371 00:30:29,636 --> 00:30:34,953 Well, apparently they've all been deported along with Ugandan Maurice. 372 00:30:35,414 --> 00:30:37,875 Why did you trust him with all that gold in the first place? 373 00:30:37,910 --> 00:30:40,366 Because he told me he was an exporter. 374 00:30:40,401 --> 00:30:43,885 Yeah, an exporter, he just got the sack from British Rail. 375 00:30:48,830 --> 00:30:51,204 Life's one long struggle, innit, eh? 376 00:30:51,865 --> 00:30:56,125 I feel a bit like that King Farouk trying to hold back the tide. 377 00:30:57,786 --> 00:30:59,393 I've got a kid to think to look after now. 378 00:30:59,428 --> 00:31:03,606 - It's Canute. - Yeah, you can say that again! 379 00:31:03,852 --> 00:31:06,637 Hey Del, d'you wanna buy a ticket for a publican�s ball? 380 00:31:06,672 --> 00:31:09,441 Yeah, certainly. Which one, left or right? 381 00:31:11,598 --> 00:31:13,037 Your loss. 382 00:31:13,072 --> 00:31:20,021 Well, I've got to go, the host is a fellow mason. And mind you, last year's do was a good laugh. 383 00:31:20,056 --> 00:31:23,135 - I heard it all ended in a big punch up. - Yes it did. 384 00:31:23,170 --> 00:31:27,466 But during the struggle Marlene got a whack on the nose. 385 00:31:27,501 --> 00:31:29,832 And you did nothing about it, did you? 386 00:31:29,867 --> 00:31:32,592 What could I do? You threw the first punch. 387 00:31:33,136 --> 00:31:34,303 Were you injured? 388 00:31:34,338 --> 00:31:38,415 No, fortunately her make-up cushioned the blow. 389 00:31:40,511 --> 00:31:42,131 I have just remembered! 390 00:31:42,166 --> 00:31:45,321 I was supposed to take Cassie's specimen to the clinic this morning! 391 00:31:48,221 --> 00:31:50,368 I've left it in the kitchen on your work top. 392 00:31:50,403 --> 00:31:52,455 That's alright, don't worry, you can take it in tomorrow, can't yer? 393 00:31:52,490 --> 00:31:56,585 No you don't understand. It mustn't be left in direct sunlight. 394 00:31:56,620 --> 00:31:59,479 You've got to find a cool, dark spot where it won't be disturbed. 395 00:31:59,514 --> 00:32:02,482 How about Boycie's pants? 396 00:32:09,166 --> 00:32:14,013 Yes, everything's fine, Raquel, although there's no food in the fridge. 397 00:32:14,232 --> 00:32:17,898 No I'm not complaining. You just have a nice time, gel, alright? 398 00:32:18,271 --> 00:32:21,094 Hold on, I think Del's back. 399 00:32:21,274 --> 00:32:25,346 Del Boy - sorry! Raquel on the phone. 400 00:32:25,544 --> 00:32:28,469 Right, OK. Tell her I'll take it in the bedroom. 401 00:32:29,218 --> 00:32:32,930 He's gonna take it in the bedroom, love. See you soon, bye. 402 00:32:34,774 --> 00:32:37,132 I suppose your Cassandra will be there by now. 403 00:32:37,285 --> 00:32:42,207 Yeah. She'd have landed about an hour ago. Bloody 'Rooney'! 404 00:32:42,792 --> 00:32:47,385 I don't know why you wear an ID bracelet. Men - real men - didn't wear them in my day. 405 00:32:47,570 --> 00:32:49,787 You used to wear them dog-tags round your neck. 406 00:32:49,822 --> 00:32:52,795 That was an ID necklace. Completely different. 407 00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:58,122 To be honest with you, Unc, I don't really wanna wear this thing but I don't wanna hurt Del's feelings. 408 00:32:58,157 --> 00:33:02,824 - I understand, boy... During the war. - Oh, God! 409 00:33:04,049 --> 00:33:06,960 I had a mate who had exactly the same problem. 410 00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:10,140 His Mum had bought him a gold watch and he hated it. 411 00:33:10,297 --> 00:33:13,281 - But he didn�t wanna hurt her feelings. - So what did he do? 412 00:33:13,445 --> 00:33:17,738 One night he went round all the pubs in Portsmouth flashing his gold watch about. 413 00:33:18,156 --> 00:33:22,001 On the way back to the ship he got mugged... Problem solved. 414 00:33:22,346 --> 00:33:24,445 That was a good idea, weren't it? 415 00:33:25,230 --> 00:33:27,610 There's a lot of mugging going on round here, Rodney. 416 00:33:27,645 --> 00:33:31,953 Albert, I'm not seriously considering it as a viable option! God Almighty! 417 00:33:32,745 --> 00:33:36,762 - I'll just have to tell him. - Be gentle though. 418 00:33:41,179 --> 00:33:45,827 Look, Del, about this thing you gave me for me birthday. 419 00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:48,129 It's a beauty, innit, eh? 420 00:33:48,863 --> 00:33:51,395 Well, yeah but... Well, the thing is... 421 00:33:51,430 --> 00:33:55,221 I tell you what. Raquel and Damien are having a nice time. 422 00:33:55,221 --> 00:33:58,565 They're getting on really well with her Mum and Dad. 423 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,753 Oh, well that's good, innit? 424 00:34:01,048 --> 00:34:04,410 You didn't fancy to go and meet your common-law in-laws then? 425 00:34:04,721 --> 00:34:11,158 Well, to be honest Rodney, yes I did, but Raquel didn't want me to go. 426 00:34:11,535 --> 00:34:13,184 What, she told you? 427 00:34:14,995 --> 00:34:23,526 No, she was having a difficult time telling me, and I made up an excuse to let her off the hook. 428 00:34:24,616 --> 00:34:28,301 I think that she thought I might embarrass her. 429 00:34:32,589 --> 00:34:38,362 What d'you mean? That's silly! How could you possibly embarrass her? 430 00:34:38,397 --> 00:34:40,234 Well, that's what I thought! 431 00:34:40,927 --> 00:34:45,403 I tell you what. Did you know that her old man is an antiques dealer? 432 00:34:46,099 --> 00:34:50,893 I thought I might let him have a look at the Jacobean cine-camera we got in the garage. 433 00:34:52,143 --> 00:34:54,864 I'm sorry, you were saying about the bracelet? 434 00:34:55,029 --> 00:34:59,025 - No, nothing. I'm well pleased with it. - Yeah, that's it. 435 00:34:59,060 --> 00:35:02,016 You'll never forget your name now, will you? 436 00:35:04,049 --> 00:35:07,268 Raquel goes away for a few days and this flat becomes a shambles. 437 00:35:07,303 --> 00:35:09,945 There's nothing in the fridge, the veg is on the turn 438 00:35:09,980 --> 00:35:12,683 and that apple-juice is horrible. 439 00:35:18,354 --> 00:35:21,219 He's a moaning old git, ain't he, eh? 440 00:35:31,644 --> 00:35:33,973 Cassandra's specimen is gone! 441 00:35:46,677 --> 00:35:48,804 I don't believe him! 442 00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,278 What am I gonna tell Cassandra? 443 00:35:51,836 --> 00:35:57,688 You tell her that you spilt it in the van when you went round a corner. 444 00:35:58,208 --> 00:36:01,674 - I can't lie to her, Del. - Alright, tell her uncle Albert drunk it. 445 00:36:02,125 --> 00:36:08,556 I can't tell her that, can I? It's just one thing after another, innit? 446 00:36:09,966 --> 00:36:13,253 - Rodney, listen, we've got to get out of here. - How d'you mean? 447 00:36:13,402 --> 00:36:15,087 Well listen, I've been thinking. 448 00:36:15,122 --> 00:36:21,335 Now that Cassandra's away in foreign climes and Raquel's had it away on her toes to Milton Keynes. 449 00:36:21,518 --> 00:36:25,347 You know what tomorrow is, don't ya? It's the big party, innit? The publican's ball. 450 00:36:25,382 --> 00:36:31,260 So I was thinking, while the mice are away the cats could go out and play. 451 00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:37,544 - It'll be like the old days, Rodders. - We're not gonna be pulling birds, are we? 452 00:36:37,759 --> 00:36:44,718 We never pulled any birds in the old days, Rodders. What chance have we got now? 453 00:36:45,305 --> 00:36:49,971 - Come on, what d'you say? - Well, it's just a bit of harmless fun, innit? 454 00:36:50,006 --> 00:36:54,366 We'll of course it is! A couple of hours. You know, a sausage roll and a grin. 455 00:36:55,232 --> 00:37:03,005 I'll tell you what. The first prize is only a stereo system worth 1,000 pounds. 456 00:37:03,370 --> 00:37:07,065 - What do they give prizes for? - For the best fancy dress. 457 00:37:07,259 --> 00:37:11,756 Fancy dress! I'm not going dressed up like some zoom! 458 00:37:12,236 --> 00:37:14,957 Come on Rodney, it's only a laugh, innit? 459 00:37:15,114 --> 00:37:18,936 We'll just pop down the High Street and get ourselves a couple of costumes. 460 00:37:19,331 --> 00:37:22,845 Rodney, I need your help to win this prize. 461 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:28,363 'Cause you're the one with the GCE's in art. You got the flare and imagination. 462 00:37:29,109 --> 00:37:32,130 Shall I tell you what I'm imagining right now? 463 00:37:32,347 --> 00:37:35,622 I'm imagining that since you knew Raquel was going away, 464 00:37:35,657 --> 00:37:40,435 you've been planning to go to that party and try and win that stereo all along. 465 00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:44,025 How dare you? 466 00:37:45,003 --> 00:37:50,058 If only your mother could hear you now! Is that what you really think of me? 467 00:37:50,448 --> 00:37:55,371 Here I am and my child and my wife have gone away for what is obviously 468 00:37:55,531 --> 00:37:58,763 a demanding and draining weekend and all you can think of is 469 00:37:58,798 --> 00:38:01,421 'That's alright, Del Boy can go out for a jolly-up'! 470 00:38:01,770 --> 00:38:07,956 That's it, is it? That's what you think of Del Boy? Shallow as a worm's grave. 471 00:38:13,805 --> 00:38:17,363 No, I just thought it was... 472 00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:22,045 - Well, it just seemed a bit... - No, don't! 473 00:38:24,158 --> 00:38:28,865 - I'm bleeding! - Alright. 474 00:38:30,947 --> 00:38:32,729 I'm sorry, then. 475 00:38:34,772 --> 00:38:38,788 Alright. Your apology is accepted. 476 00:38:40,209 --> 00:38:43,084 Hold on, I've just remembered. This do is an all-ticket affair. 477 00:38:43,119 --> 00:38:46,734 - I know, I got us a couple as we were leaving. - Oh, stinking... 478 00:38:50,691 --> 00:38:55,685 I feel stupid! I don't know how we got out of the estate without being seen. 479 00:38:55,896 --> 00:38:58,336 Don't worry, we'll be there in a minute. 480 00:38:58,512 --> 00:39:00,892 Yes, but then we've got to get home dressed like this! 481 00:39:01,052 --> 00:39:03,418 Who's gonna see us at five o' clock in the morning? 482 00:39:03,780 --> 00:39:08,920 Yeah, I suppose so. Five in the morning? You said we was only going for a couple of hours. 483 00:39:09,115 --> 00:39:12,621 Yeah I know, but you get involved, don't you? 484 00:39:15,108 --> 00:39:19,552 - What's happening? - There must be something wrong. 485 00:39:19,587 --> 00:39:24,134 - I wish I was mechanically minded like you. - Very funny! 486 00:39:24,538 --> 00:39:27,631 Alright, I'll open the bonnet, you go an' have a look at the engine. 487 00:39:27,666 --> 00:39:30,585 Go an' have a look at the... I'm not gettin out dressed like this! 488 00:39:30,620 --> 00:39:32,721 You have a look, it's your van! 489 00:39:32,756 --> 00:39:35,349 You tart, Rodney. 490 00:40:01,246 --> 00:40:05,355 - Do you see anything? - No. It's right dark in here. 491 00:40:17,093 --> 00:40:18,561 What you looking for? 492 00:40:19,482 --> 00:40:23,110 Just tryin' to see if there's any petrol coming through to the carburetor. 493 00:40:26,647 --> 00:40:29,999 - You idiot! - What's the matter? 494 00:40:30,034 --> 00:40:32,764 You'll blow us to kingdom come! 495 00:40:32,932 --> 00:40:36,253 Don't be daft! There's no petrol coming through, is there? 496 00:40:36,412 --> 00:40:40,244 Must be some sort of a blockage. I mean, that's why we've broken down. 497 00:40:44,883 --> 00:40:47,238 Will you get back inside that van. 498 00:40:47,273 --> 00:40:52,233 I don't want people seeing you dressed like that, you look like a right wally! 499 00:41:05,351 --> 00:41:07,995 What are we gonna do now then, eh? 500 00:41:08,273 --> 00:41:10,067 I don't know, Derek! 501 00:41:10,586 --> 00:41:15,403 We are sat in the middle of Peckham at 10.30 dressed up as Batman and Robin! 502 00:41:15,438 --> 00:41:20,329 And it was you who chose these costumes! I wanted to go as The Blues Brothers! 503 00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:26,479 We'd have still broken down and been in this embarrassing situation, wouldn't we? 504 00:41:26,630 --> 00:41:32,241 Oh yeah! We'd have been wearing suits and ties, right couple of zooms we'd have looked. 505 00:41:33,814 --> 00:41:38,246 But we'd never have won first prize as The Blues Brothers! 506 00:41:38,281 --> 00:41:41,214 No, but at least we could have walked home! 507 00:41:41,425 --> 00:41:46,516 Look, just shut up and try to think of a way out of this. 508 00:41:46,551 --> 00:41:49,173 Alright, let's just think about it. 509 00:41:56,675 --> 00:41:59,573 We phone the RAC. 510 00:41:59,847 --> 00:42:03,468 Yes, and we ask to get put through 511 00:42:03,629 --> 00:42:08,949 to the 'Broken Down Whilst Dressed As A Couple Of Prats' department. 512 00:42:12,642 --> 00:42:14,320 Alright then, the police. 513 00:42:14,473 --> 00:42:17,172 Oh, leave it out, Rodney. We'd never live it down. 514 00:42:17,319 --> 00:42:22,034 Our lives would be hell! We would have to 'hemigrate'. 515 00:42:22,174 --> 00:42:25,863 At this particular moment, Del, that doesn't sound like a bad alternative. 516 00:42:29,028 --> 00:42:32,925 The pubs are gonna be chucking out soon. They'll tear us to shreds. 517 00:42:33,087 --> 00:42:39,601 Know what... Harry's place is nearer than our place is. 518 00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:43,776 You know, we could be there in five minutes... if we ran. 519 00:42:43,927 --> 00:42:47,226 - We'll be seen! - No we won't. What do you mean 'be seen'. 520 00:42:47,396 --> 00:42:49,628 Look, all the streets are empty, ain't they? 521 00:42:49,794 --> 00:42:51,361 At the moment! 522 00:42:51,534 --> 00:42:56,855 But I guarantee, the second I step out of this van a thousand people are gonna pour out out the... 523 00:42:58,077 --> 00:43:00,769 out of a place where a thousand people are! 524 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:07,764 No. Not if we go through the back streets and the back alleys. 525 00:43:08,084 --> 00:43:10,590 'Cause the only people there are the winos and the crackheads 526 00:43:10,785 --> 00:43:14,486 and let's face it, they see Batman and Robin every night of the week. 527 00:43:16,922 --> 00:43:21,836 - Five minutes? - Five minutes, that's all, if we run. 528 00:43:33,364 --> 00:43:36,924 - I'm going now Tom. - I'll see you out. 529 00:43:39,236 --> 00:43:41,991 - Goodnight, Councillor Murray. - Goodnight, Tom. 530 00:44:00,097 --> 00:44:03,355 - Sorry, Miss, you seen a policeman round here? - No, I haven't! 531 00:44:03,943 --> 00:44:07,898 - Good! Then giss your money! - What are you doing? Tom! 532 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:10,725 Help! 533 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,178 - Someone shut her up! - Get her briefcase. 534 00:44:14,980 --> 00:44:16,277 Gary! 535 00:44:21,005 --> 00:44:24,275 - What's happening? - I haven't the faintest idea! 536 00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:34,334 Go! 537 00:44:54,021 --> 00:44:56,195 - Councillor Murray? - Yes. 538 00:44:56,352 --> 00:45:00,067 I recognise you from your photograph. Derek Trotter. 539 00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:04,113 You may remember me. I wrote to you sometime ago about a... 540 00:45:04,148 --> 00:45:08,530 Del, let's go! 541 00:45:09,856 --> 00:45:13,323 Sorry, I must dash. Duty calls. 542 00:45:30,791 --> 00:45:33,264 Oh Boycie, let us in, will you? 543 00:45:38,276 --> 00:45:40,703 What have you two come as then? 544 00:45:41,164 --> 00:45:42,528 Batman and Robin. 545 00:45:43,062 --> 00:45:46,925 Ignore him, Rodney, will you? Just ignore him. 546 00:45:48,247 --> 00:45:53,249 - Where is everyone? - Straight through there, Caped Crusader. 547 00:45:53,549 --> 00:45:56,070 You ain't gonna win nothing dressed like that. 548 00:45:56,604 --> 00:45:58,119 Did you see that Rodders? 549 00:45:58,267 --> 00:46:03,931 We've come as Batman and Robin and Boycie's come as the Penguin. 550 00:46:06,007 --> 00:46:12,268 Oh no, Del Boy, not the Penguin. More like the Joker. 551 00:46:15,095 --> 00:46:17,710 Kenny. Mike from the Nag's Head. 552 00:46:18,266 --> 00:46:22,725 Listen, I was really cut-up yesterday when I heard about your Dad. Your husband. 553 00:46:23,374 --> 00:46:26,174 Still, at least he didn't suffer. 554 00:46:26,439 --> 00:46:28,874 No. He had a good innings and... 555 00:46:30,034 --> 00:46:32,759 he'd have been well chuffed to see all his family and friends turn up for his wake like this. 556 00:46:41,906 --> 00:46:46,038 Derek. Harry died yesterday. 557 00:46:47,051 --> 00:46:49,265 Harry... Harry die...? 558 00:46:55,595 --> 00:47:00,856 Why didn't you tell us that out there instead of letting us come in here like that? 559 00:47:00,891 --> 00:47:04,099 Yeah. We were going da na na na na and everything. 560 00:47:04,134 --> 00:47:09,652 It completely slipped my mind. Strange what grief can do. 561 00:47:15,217 --> 00:47:19,264 Del. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Kenny, Harry's son. 562 00:47:20,300 --> 00:47:23,033 Yes, of course I remember you. 563 00:47:23,599 --> 00:47:26,244 I phoned round everyone to tell 'em the party was off. 564 00:47:26,404 --> 00:47:28,825 I must have left four or five messages on your answer machine. 565 00:47:28,860 --> 00:47:30,669 Obviously you didn't get 'em. 566 00:47:30,704 --> 00:47:33,424 No, the machine�s playing up a bit. 567 00:47:33,603 --> 00:47:36,956 I'm gonna throw that bloody machine away when we get home. 568 00:47:37,323 --> 00:47:41,338 - Kenny, look, I am really sorry about this. - Don't be silly. 569 00:47:41,557 --> 00:47:44,554 The old man's most probably up there now having a bloody good laugh at you all. 570 00:47:45,122 --> 00:47:51,272 - You'll stay, won't you? - Oh yeah, of course we're gonna stay. 571 00:47:51,661 --> 00:47:55,905 - Go and grab yourself a drink and something to eat. - Alright, cheers. 572 00:48:09,476 --> 00:48:11,498 A beer here, Denz. 573 00:48:13,409 --> 00:48:15,294 Didn't you know Harry had died? 574 00:48:17,796 --> 00:48:23,822 Of course we knew Harry had died! That's why we came dressed as Batman and Thingy! 575 00:48:23,857 --> 00:48:25,923 - Robin. - Yes. 576 00:48:28,335 --> 00:48:32,928 - I suppose the prize-giving's off now then, is it? -I love him. Bloody love him. 577 00:48:34,490 --> 00:48:40,690 Alright Del, Dave. Bit of a choker old Harry popping off like that, innit? 578 00:48:40,725 --> 00:48:44,649 Yeah. We didn't even know the fancy dress party had been cancelled. 579 00:48:44,684 --> 00:48:46,101 Me neither. 580 00:48:48,408 --> 00:48:51,296 You mean, that's your costume? 581 00:48:51,453 --> 00:48:58,907 Yeah, I come as a chauffer. I feel a bit stupid now. 582 00:49:00,034 --> 00:49:03,464 Come to mention it, you do stand out a bit. 583 00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:06,955 I'm gonna cheer up the widow. 584 00:49:10,069 --> 00:49:12,647 I don't think you and Del would have won first prize. 585 00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:14,492 - No? - No. 586 00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:18,481 You're alright, but Del don't look nothing like Tonto. 587 00:49:25,286 --> 00:49:27,766 Aerodynamic designed cycling helmets. 588 00:49:27,801 --> 00:49:34,059 As worn by Chris Boardman and his cousin Stan. Look at that, beautiful. 589 00:49:34,226 --> 00:49:37,577 OK then, what else we got here. I tell you what we've got, look at this. 590 00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:42,725 Baseball caps! Straight from LA, as worn by MC Hammer. 591 00:49:44,456 --> 00:49:46,715 Here you are madam, buy one for you kid for Christmas. 592 00:49:46,716 --> 00:49:49,744 They'll look lovely in his stocking, I tell you that. No? 593 00:49:50,061 --> 00:49:53,842 Right, what else have we got. Oh, yes, what have we got here! Look at this! 594 00:49:54,017 --> 00:49:57,364 We've got the unisex baseball caps. Look at that. 595 00:49:58,010 --> 00:50:02,587 There you are, buy one for your son, buy one for your daughter! Well done! 596 00:50:05,188 --> 00:50:08,183 - Del! - Yeah! What's up? 597 00:50:08,536 --> 00:50:09,938 Have a look. 598 00:50:11,031 --> 00:50:13,371 - Give us your bag! - Oi! What's your game? 599 00:50:15,335 --> 00:50:17,277 Rodney, get after him! Go on! 600 00:50:22,189 --> 00:50:24,309 Are you alright? You alright, darling? 601 00:50:24,623 --> 00:50:30,556 Little buggers have nicked me handbag, son. My bloody arse is hurting as well. 602 00:50:31,601 --> 00:50:36,306 You just take it easy, will ya? Just take it easy. Someone call an ambulance for her, will ya? 603 00:50:36,475 --> 00:50:38,039 Also, call the police. 604 00:50:38,101 --> 00:50:39,999 Hey, you! Oi! 605 00:52:45,617 --> 00:52:47,819 Whoops-a-daisy. 606 00:52:48,770 --> 00:52:52,192 We read and we hear about so-called have-a-go-heroes, 607 00:52:52,227 --> 00:52:55,188 but we very rarely have the honour of meeting one. 608 00:52:55,223 --> 00:53:00,598 Well, I'm proud to say that here, in Peckham, we have our very own have-ago-hero. 609 00:53:00,891 --> 00:53:08,581 And so it's my great honour and privilege to present this medal for bravery to Derek Trotter. 610 00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:20,707 That's Batman! 611 00:53:21,671 --> 00:53:27,139 - Mr Trotter, could I have a couple of pictures? - Mange-tout, mange-tout. 612 00:53:27,491 --> 00:53:29,715 How come you got a medal? I did all the running. 613 00:53:29,877 --> 00:53:33,037 Yes I know, but you were running away from him! 614 00:53:38,026 --> 00:53:43,636 I was not running away from him actually. I was just luring him. 615 00:53:43,671 --> 00:53:47,678 Well you weren't half luring him fast then! You shot past me like Linford Christie. 616 00:53:50,031 --> 00:53:52,780 Minus that poodle that he keeps down his shorts, of course. 617 00:53:54,190 --> 00:53:56,151 Could you mind out of the way please, sir... 618 00:53:56,341 --> 00:53:59,925 Yes, could you mind out of the way, please, Rodney You're casting a shadow on the hero. 619 00:54:06,805 --> 00:54:08,844 Why didn't you get a medal, Rodney? 620 00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,979 No, they offered me one but I said I wanted to remain anonymous. 621 00:54:21,976 --> 00:54:27,847 Mr Trotter. Councillor Murray. We met, the night you were dressed as Batman. 622 00:54:29,958 --> 00:54:31,417 Oh yes, of course. 623 00:54:32,079 --> 00:54:36,740 - I've never been so frightened in my life. - It was only a costume. 624 00:54:37,630 --> 00:54:40,595 No, I mean terrified of that awful gang of muggers. 625 00:54:40,766 --> 00:54:41,986 Oh, I see, yes. 626 00:54:42,021 --> 00:54:45,087 - Still, they're behind bars now, thanks to you. - Oh, don't mention it. 627 00:54:45,264 --> 00:54:48,160 If ever there's anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to call. 628 00:54:48,195 --> 00:54:51,030 Well, thank you very much indeed. Thank you. 629 00:54:51,681 --> 00:54:52,906 Councillor Murray. 630 00:54:55,374 --> 00:55:00,560 As a matter of fact there is a little something that you might be able to help me out with. 631 00:55:00,897 --> 00:55:05,166 - Do you think we could have a little chat? - Of course. Come this way. 632 00:55:06,431 --> 00:55:07,830 Cushty! 633 00:55:10,187 --> 00:55:13,041 We're gonna have to cut this one out for the family album. 634 00:55:13,196 --> 00:55:15,218 A Trotter's never won a medal before. 635 00:55:16,011 --> 00:55:18,485 Well, Albert's won three of four dozen. 636 00:55:19,176 --> 00:55:22,735 Why'd they use the word 'man'? They could have mentioned Rodney. 637 00:55:23,567 --> 00:55:28,181 - I mean, why didn't they say 'men'? - Yeah, Rodney was there as well. 638 00:55:28,382 --> 00:55:30,183 They do mention him, here you are. 639 00:55:30,506 --> 00:55:38,304 'Mr Trotter was aided in the capture of the muggers by his younger brother, Rooney.' 640 00:55:38,782 --> 00:55:41,108 You see, it's bloody Rooney! 641 00:55:42,452 --> 00:55:46,519 Come on then, ladies and gentlemen, charge your glasses. 642 00:55:46,554 --> 00:55:52,131 Because I have got something to say, on this auspicious occasion. 643 00:55:52,337 --> 00:55:58,619 And that is, not only am I the only Trotter to win a medal... without getting wet. 644 00:55:59,175 --> 00:56:01,996 But this is a double celebration. 645 00:56:02,397 --> 00:56:04,882 - You told them! - No, I never! I swear! 646 00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,360 - How d'you lot find out? - Find out what? 647 00:56:07,395 --> 00:56:09,879 - You mean you don't know? - No. 648 00:56:11,588 --> 00:56:15,437 Well, in that case, let me just say that if, in the near future, 649 00:56:15,472 --> 00:56:19,997 anybody wants to buy Cassandra and I some Mothercare vouchers, 650 00:56:20,409 --> 00:56:22,535 they will come in bloody handy! 651 00:56:23,679 --> 00:56:29,092 - Yes my son, we have scored! - And it was a beauty! 652 00:56:30,026 --> 00:56:36,347 It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming, football's coming home! 653 00:56:38,488 --> 00:56:40,130 Well done my son! 654 00:56:40,165 --> 00:56:44,938 I'm pleased for you, son. I know you've been through hell to get there. 655 00:56:48,254 --> 00:56:52,567 How about that then, eh? A little cousin for Damien to play with. 656 00:56:55,064 --> 00:56:57,587 Wait a minute. You said this was a double celebration 657 00:56:57,622 --> 00:57:01,405 before you found out about Cassandra being pregnant. So what else are we celebrating? 658 00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:05,032 That's right.Then it's a treble celebration. 659 00:57:05,349 --> 00:57:09,906 'Cause you know I was turned down for my home improvement grant by the council. 660 00:57:10,159 --> 00:57:14,465 Well, they have changed their minds and send me a cheque for 5,000 pounds. 661 00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:19,067 - They gave you 5,000 pounds? - Yes, what can't speak can't lie. 662 00:57:20,028 --> 00:57:22,659 Signed by Councillor Murray. 663 00:57:23,713 --> 00:57:29,130 - It's not a bad old world is it, bruv? - It's getting better all the time, Del. 664 00:57:29,308 --> 00:57:31,902 Lovely jubbly. 665 00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:41,080 Subtitles by NVL 666 00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:52,080 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org